little soul searching time.
i want to talk about judgement.
what is it exactly that makes us tend to judge people so harshly all the time? is it our insecurities that perpetually bite at us and gives us a need to put others down to make ourselves feel better? or is it a strong sense of values that some have cultivated because of the environment they grew up in? i discovered that for me, judgement comes most bitterly when i see my own flaws in someone else. its a strange subconscious mechanism, that makes you see your mistakes materialising in one outside yourself. for some reason it makes you feel repelled, perhaps because you're in denial of your own faults. i don't know if its just me. i think its an insecurity complex.
this also explains why opposites attract. when we're too much like each other, people are reminded of the things that they are ashamed about themselves, and see the replication of their strengths which make them feel a little less special/one of a kind. yet, having nothing in common at all is obviously just as unworkable. this, i can now safely say i experienced first-handedly. how do you find the perfect balance, of being able to identify with someone, but at the same time being different enough to compliment one another? maybe only time and interaction will tell.
but anyway, i realised how much i dislike it when people judge my friends, especially when they choose to simply believe what they hear. are any of us really perfect enough to judge the way others live their lives? can we safely say we have never made the same mistakes of acting inappropriately in cases when we shouldn't have, or never got involved in a messy, controversial situation in which the way we handled things might not have been the best? i like to get to know people who have been misunderstood, because i prefer to see the value in them. it is so ironic because i realise that these are the people who have emitted lesser verbal poison than most of the people i know. why dont you stop and think about what people might be saying about you in the first place before you start firing at others? i could say this all, but then i know i am also guilty of judgement. yet, it still repulses me. because i really hate being judged, especially by people close to me. i dont think people understand very well the fragility of a situation when you're trying to give advice. some people might take it well, but if you are hypersensitive it hurts till it makes you nauseous, it eats at you until you cant deal with yourself and it transforms into anger instead.
do you sometimes feel that humans are so full of contradictions? we're so weighed down by our insecurities that we feel we may never be confident people. and yet in certain areas we are brimming with so much self pride we subconsciously push people away when they try to offer us advice on what to do with our lives. we always say we can't wait until a levels are over, but then we complain about how sucky our lives are the moment the post exam hype dies down. every once in a while we become so filled with resentment for people we dislike that we eventually start acting like them. and you know what? here's the timeless classic. the more someone claims to be already independent, the more they're actually secretly in dire need of companionship.
i am just frustrated, im sorry.
