sometimes it really gets to me, that i wasn't as organized and on top of things as I hoped to be. I had a chance to really push myself but I ended up foaming and gasping for air amidst all the work that had to be done. and you might say that it isn't really my fault but to some extent, maybe i just wasn't good enough to handle it all, the way they were capable enough to run the event last year. and pulling out at this time, was it an act of cowardice? I know I'm not the kind to abandon ship, but the fact that I did, even if it was for other legit reasons, makes me feel very uncomfortable with my conscience.
all I can do now is just to ensure that in the future, when i get a job, it's something I will be willing to slog for, and somewhere where I'll be given mentorship so that if things screw up, i'll willingly take responsibility rather than wonder whether this is the problem of the entire structure of things.
from here on, i realise uni is going to need me to offer so much more guts. guts to speak up, even if i embarass myself, guts to put myself out there and market my potential, guts to network with peers and profs, and a whole lot of things i never really had the balls to do. including go for camps and play the games that i suck at. the only way you can really do this is to suck it up, i realise.
on the up side though, im finally doing all i need to to prepare for uni. replenishing sleep (A LOT):) baking, catching up with friends and hopefully learning to make jamie oliver's aglio olio as my next cooking adventure. yumyum (:
