Friday, 12 June 2009

• the new to do list.

  1) start internalizing the things you're mugging.
  2) stop being so hard on yourself. you can do it if only you RELAX.
  3) SPEND LESS MONEY, DAMMIT.
  4) eat more healthily.
  5) exercise? which i havent done in forever.
  6) POSSESS SELF CONFIDENCE IMMEDIATELY. ): this is getting very bad. today i sorta made friends with this girl, and she was so quiet so i got really retardedly nervous and started compulsively talking a whole lot of irrelevant crap. then i felt so very silly afterwards. and its not like she was intimidating you know wth. i have got to be CRAZY.

  i don't know why this insecurity complex gets so bad when its the holidays. i suppose with more time on my hands and less people to talk to, you really just start going crazy bit by bit. and im getting freaking stressed out. i keep doing non productive mugging. tried to do SEA hist and then realised i was essentially copying everything off the same set of notes and i should have just MUGGED it instead. wasted the whole day.

  keep getting mad at myself for being unproductive and retarded and inferior, then get mad for being so insecure, and then get mad for being so mad at myself. am i actually making sense here? if there's one thing i hate about holidays, its feeling like this. really wish somebody who can just sit and UNDERSTAND what im feeling because i dont understand it myself.  and not just tell me to concentrate on mugging or that its just the stress talking. i probably sound damn paranoid and uptight, which i could possibly be, which sucks. but it really is unavoidable and its hell to go through.

  someone give me a source of relaxation NOW.
  i accept cash. :D

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